Sibling Rivalry
Adapted from the following babycenter articles: ''Sibling Rivalry" and ''Preparing Your Child for a Sibling's Birth"
Before Baby Arrives
Once you receive the joyful news that you're pregnant with your second child, you'll naturally want to share it with everyone, including your first child. While others will greet the news with good cheer, your toddler may have a more complicated reaction.
As much as he may have wished for a sibling, he has, until now, been the center of your universe, and discovering that another star is on the rise may cause mixed feelings. You can help him negotiate this transition and happily welcome his new sibling by keeping a few simple thoughts in mind.
Time your announcement. There is no set time for telling your toddler about the impending birth, but in general, several months before your due date is ideal. At this point he can see your growing belly, and feel the baby moving and kicking. Of course, prior to that he may sense a change and ask what's going on, in which case, answer truthfully.
Keep it simple. Try to tailor your explanation to your toddler's level of understanding, and directly address his fears and concerns: "When the baby comes, Daddy will take you to daycare instead of Mommy."
Accentuate the positive. Children who learn to view change as a positive will be better equipped to handle life's ups and downs. Take this opportunity to reinforce that idea with your toddler by providing extra love, support, and reassurance that he is not being replaced. Be lavish in your praise: "I will love you just as much after the baby is born, in fact, I'll love you more!"
Make the move from crib to bed a joyous event. Your toddler may feel slighted if he's asked to give up his crib to make way for the baby; on the other hand, a leisurely transition that focuses on his growth and maturity will boost his self-esteem and cooperative nature. Depending on when your child is ready, make the transition several months ahead of the birth, or several months afterwards when things have settled down. Either way, be sure to include your toddler when choosing the bed and linens.
After the baby comes
While some of your toddler's fears may be diminished after the baby's arrival, other feelings - jealousy, frustration, aggression - may surface. To minimize sibling rivalry and foster a lifelong family bond, it's helpful to get off to a good start.
Recruit your toddler's help. Let him help care for the baby whenever possible...when you bathe her, he can hold the towels; when she cries, he can gently pat her back. Seek his advice, too: "Do you think the baby would like to wear her cap?"
Provide plenty of "Mom" time. It's natural for your toddler to feel jealous of all the time and attention you give to the baby. Rather than scolding him, acknowledge his point of view - "I know you wish I could spend more time with you " - and dedicate a portion of each day just to him.
Cultivate compassion. Show your child pictures of himself as a baby, and remind him that he needed lots of special care, too. This may help him be more tolerant of the time you spend with the new baby.
Point out the perks. Your toddler is a big kid now, with all the accompanying perks. Emphasize how he walks, talks, dresses and feeds himself, and all the cool things he gets to do.
Foster opportunities for bonding. Children often have a natural flair for entertainment - singing, dancing, or just making faces - and a baby is an appreciative audience. Not only will your child enjoy the attention, he's also likely to take pride in bringing a smile to his sibling's face, an achievement he hopefully will relish into adulthood.
